Frequently Asked Questions
1. Just what IS WWHD?
2. Does Hollywood Really Care?
3. Wait--so there's WWHD and there's WWJD. I'm confused
4. How do you think you're 'revolutionizing' news?
5. How can WWHD do all that? You don't even have a budget!
6. Why does WWHD even care about these issues?
7. Where did you get this idea?
8. Who makes up the WWHD team?
9. Who does WWHD benefit, and who the hell are these
people?
10. How does this WWHD thing work again?
11. DisclaimerA. WWHD is a time-saver, a headache-healer. We let others keep up with current social, political, and environmental issues, so you don't have to! Let's say that you, the reader, and we, WWHD agree that: For every issue, no matter what kind, we as Americans can feel great knowing our role models will be the voice against how America feels about such issues. Right? Right. 'Cause it doesn't matter that a majority of our country feels one way, we know, deep down, Susan Sarandon will always heartily oppose. Because we actually like spending the day with Dustin Hoffman to hear--not about his film career--rather, but about saving the male platypus from extinction, as he bawls his eyes out. And we LOVE IT when Martin Sheen stands up and says, with so much fury he all but decapitates himself with his own swift arm, that he, along with America, is opposing a recent war with Iraq and
then turns around and lets his hair down by hangin' with the Vets on his days off...betcha they like him :)And why not? They're great...Susan, Dustin, Martin, and many others. They do this for us. For nothing! All in the name of efficient, rational, voluntary spokesmanship. We are no longer plagued by such issues. They're done like dinner! Check all that stuff off your list! We didn't have to lift a finger!
In short, we are revolutionizing the way people take in news and think about issues. We take all the voices in your head that ponder such questions as, "What petition shall I sign?", "Which animal do I help PETA save?", "Who should I vote for in the next election?" and hand them over to our role models, our voiceboxes, our devil's advocates, and ask "What Would Hollywood Do?" Because they know. They're our saving grace. Hooorrrray for Hollywood!
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Q. So Hollywood cares. Is that true?
A. Indeed! You've been living under a rock if you didn't know that celebrities, athletes and TV personalities will readily haul their asses to a podium, press conference, or community rally and rah, scream, flail about and otherwise get emotional, for or against an issue that Americans may or may not be aware of. Since
about um--the beginning of time.
TOP
Q. Wait--so there's WWHD and there's WWJD.
I'm confused.A. WWJD is "What Would Jesus Do?" We're not affiliated with Him.
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Q. How do you think you're 'revolutionizing' news?
A. We see it this way: Forget about reading the news in the traditional sense, in 'sections'. What a pain in the ass, having to follow the national, local, and political stories seperately each day! Such a bother, having to make up your own mind on each and every issue, when you know America's entertainers will! Cool or what?!
Here at WWHD we think we revolutionize the way people follow issue-based news and celebrity cause by plugging in to both at once and saving you from hassle! Plus we also frequently talk about other issues that celebs and famous people haven't even touched yet, and bet to see how they'd handle 'em! We say let Hollywood do it!
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Q. How can WWHD do all that? You don't even have a budget!
A. Right-o! But, we are able to get top sources to bring us news about current events AND entertainment's elite soapbox stories (mainly in return for sexual favors), so that we can provide our readers with the best of both worlds. A 'whole other angle'--if you will--on entertainment! On issues! On entertainment's issues! On issues that current issues officials have with entertainment! On our personal life and drug-rehab issues! Wait--that's classified. Ahem.
Basically, we keep you in the know about who's doing what, when, and where. We do know who, we do know what, and usually where. We can't say why. We wish we could.
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Q. Why does WWHD even care about these issues? Who does care?
A. Good for you, you're on the right track. Why should we care, when Celebrities do! But by the same token, who doesn't care? We tried to find out--Here's some hard numbers:
A recent poll was taken by 45 city-bus riders in our editor's ghetto-ass neighborhood:
+ The poll results show that a small percentage of those riders read the newspaper or watch it on t.v. and that exactly HALF of them follow the current social and political issues news! The other half...entertainment.
Just do the math, folks! That tells you right there, that the only important news is the news we bring to you, our community. Ghetto-ass or otherwise.
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Q. Where did you get this idea?
A. Actually, our editor dreamed it up a couple of days before she was fired from her last job. She hasn't worked since, and is hoping to turn WWHD into a
lucrative career.er...meal ticket.huge smorgasbord.
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Q. Who makes up the WWHD team? And how was it started?
A. Our team was founded in the fall of 2002. WWHD's editor actually had a talent scout who happened to be in the area where the most recent American Idol auditions took place. We were all rejected and were without bus fare home. So she took us in and gave us all new meaning to our lives. We knew we were talented (Simon, Paula and Randy didn't agree) but we never fully realized our potential to create such
an elite team of newswriters! We've come a long way, baby (especially Janeesha, who has rejoined our staff since quitting her 3-day-a-week Jaegermeister & Kool-Aid binge and issuing a restraining order against her boyfriend Davante because he tried to tell her WWHD was a cult)! Welcome back, J!Our editor feels--and now we feel--after months of
brainwashing and regrettable living conditions at a compound in the woods, without payhelpful training sessions--that there are people in this country who need not only news, but news that obviously hits home with them, affects them personally, and is something they feel passionate about.
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Q. Who the hell are these people?
A. People from all walks of life benefit from our kind of news...
- Cats. Dogs
- Bloggers
- Democrats in elected office
- Schoolteachers
- Dumb, rich playboys
- The mentally distraught
- The token single, unemployed welfare mom
These people ALL rely heavily on WWHD news daily! They need us! They gather all their infinite wisdom from WWHD by reading and taking in every word, in desperate attempts to avoid worse lots in life. For example:
-Pets now can have something to do besides lick their fur and play
fetch/play with string
-Bloggers might now have more cool news to post comments about on their
weblogs
-Democrats in office would have something new to read on the internet (did you actually think they work hard for our tax dollars while in Senate or House meetings?--They're so internet savvy! Rumor has it one of my local congressmen is the top eBay seller this month!)
-Dumb rich playboys now have more impressive topics to discuss with women who will never love them, just their wallets.
-The mentally distraught now have something to say besides "Ah lahk deym freynch frahed pah-taters mm-hmm."
-The token young welfare mom now could have lots of fun news to read since seeing as she's stuck at home with nothing to do, after having already applied at both the Taco Bell & Wendy's and then ate all the government peanut butter in the house and already saw all of season two of The Anna Nicole Show on the stolen cable feed.
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Q. How does this WWHD thing work again?
A. Ugh. We already told you that. Jeez! For last time:
We work with top news sources who provide us with stories only you care about, straight from the wire. Then we scan them to ensure top quality for our readers. We then bring these stories to the table and offer other scenarios about modern American life, all which beg the question, What Would Hollywood Do? It is in this way that are able to bring you a whole other angle on entertainment and issues. Hope you enjoy it!TOP
DISCLAIMER:
This project has been and always will be entirely for entertainment purposes only--mainly those of our editor and crack of team reporters. Er...is it team of crack reporters? Reporters on crack? Anyhoo, if you have hatemail to send, feel free. It will only be ignored. Unless you really screw up your spelling/grammar, or say something stupid. In which case, we'll have no other choice but to post it.
+ The poll mentioned above was taken, however there was only 1 respondent. But the results were so varied it appeard that many had take it.
Turns he was a schizophrenic *Shrugs*. Who'd've thunk it?
