Dateline: Oct 2003, Amazon.com
Michael Moore Goes for a New Hollywood Diet
Graphic by B. Woods
"Dude, Where's My Munchies?" Moore's latest literary effort, intended as a sequel to "Dude, Where's My Country?" but instead takes a dive into Doritos, foot-long Subway sandwiches with "extra mayo, hold the cucumbers" and Pepperidge Farm cakes aplenty.
After much yo-yo dieting and depression resulting from his beingkicked out of personally escorted to his limo from the Academy Awards this past spring, Michael Moore is bustin' loose and enjoying life to the fullest, which including eating, eating, and more eating. Everything which stands still long enough and within his immediate reach is in danger. Unable to find a free ground on which to spew his political agenda without getting busted for it, Mr. Moore has had it "up to there!" he says, removing his Red Lobster bib and pointing to his enormous third chin. Moore's referrring to his dissatisfaction with the current cash flow he brings in. It's not enough, apparently, from his movies [Roger and Me, Bowling for Columbine] and books [Stupid White Men, Downsize This!, Adventures In a TV Nation] that the idiotic leftist consumer can't seem to get enough of. So he decided to try his hand at making money doing product promotions and maybe clam up for awile on the liberal love-hate relationship he has with the country. However, quite a few companies weren't interested because flat-out, "He is just a bit too um--large, and loud." Even the fat-friendly folk over at companies like Slim-Fast, Atkins and Weight Watchers just to name a few, wouldn't have him as a spokesperson because, "Well, [he] just bitches too much about political stuff during innappropriate times.", says a spokesperson for Jiggl-less Juice diet drinks. "After the third time of us having to yell 'cut!' when he started in on his latest anti-Bush diatribe, we just decided it was far too early for Mr. Moore to work with us on our Jumbo-less Java drink promo."
Maybe now Domino's will have him. "Oh, hell yeah, I'm gonna call them..." says Moore, wiping some cheesecake from his cheeks and reaching for the phone. "I'll just have them transfer me to the corporate office after I order another extra large New Yorker and bucket of buffalo wings."
Michael Moore Goes for a New Hollywood Diet
Graphic by B. Woods
"Dude, Where's My Munchies?" Moore's latest literary effort, intended as a sequel to "Dude, Where's My Country?" but instead takes a dive into Doritos, foot-long Subway sandwiches with "extra mayo, hold the cucumbers" and Pepperidge Farm cakes aplenty.
After much yo-yo dieting and depression resulting from his being
Maybe now Domino's will have him. "Oh, hell yeah, I'm gonna call them..." says Moore, wiping some cheesecake from his cheeks and reaching for the phone. "I'll just have them transfer me to the corporate office after I order another extra large New Yorker and bucket of buffalo wings."
